Soulful confession (2)
Read the first part here
Also in the 4th year of yoga, I went to my spiritual guide and asked if I could start teaching "Shakti Groups" (tantra yoga for women) and after one year I opened Shakti groups in 25 cities.
Since I was a kid, I was looking at women thinking if they would do certain transformations, they would become extraordinary women. When I went to the yoga hall or to various conferences held in our yoga school, I noticed the women present there, many of the women clearly endowed with special qualities, but not all of them aware of it. So at the beginning of the 4th year of yoga, I decided to do something for these women. I did not know exactly what, but I knew where I wanted to go with them: to the awakening and full manifestation of their dormant potentialities and even to the supreme state of spiritual liberation. I went to the spiritual guide and asked him if he would allow me to start "Shakti groups". From a humoristic and joyful state, he suddenly became silent and interiorized, and after a few seconds he said "YES"!.
In the summer of the same year, I participated in the spiritual retreat by the Black Seacoast. During the whole month of that retreat, I practiced every day, for 1 hour each of the pranayama techniques (breathing techniques) that I had received in the yoga course up to that date. In total, I practiced at least 6-7 hours of pranayama daily. In addition, in every free moment I was practicing asanas, Uddiyana Bandha (the abdominal retraction), Nauli Kriya (rotation of rectus abdominis), the visualization of the colored streams of energy, the 5 fundamental voluntary actions, Japa Yoga with mantras, or I did the meditation technique with vowels (I continued to do this also after the retreat).
In each of the days when there was in the schedule a meditation of communion with various liberated spiritual masters, I was "spending the day with them", that is, I was aiming to enter into subtle communion with each of them throughout the day, so that during the meditation of communion with each of them, I could perceive them as well as possible.
States of ecstasy
In one of the Yang Spiral meditation with induction of the spiritual liberation through divine miracle, because the spiritual guide had spoken at a conference about the evolution of souls and MahaPralaya (at MahaPralaya - the resorption of the whole Creation - all beings who have not yet reached the state of supreme liberation, they will vanish, and in the next macrocosmic cycle they will have to begin their evolution from scratch), during the meditation I wanted to know what will happen to me at MahaPralaya; and the information received as a state was:
“I am immortal. I am eternal. I am divine essence”.
I shared the story in detail with a friend of mine, who told me that I had a state of ecstasy.
A few days later I met the spiritual guide, upstairs in the French Gulf in Costinesti, Romania. I was in the French Gulf with my friend, swimming in the sea. At one point, I felt an irresistible urge to get out of the sea, as if someone was pulling me out of the water, and to get to the top of the stairs as quickly as possible. I pulled my friend after me, I climbed the ladders and when I set my foot on the last step, the car in which the spiritual guide was in, stopped by my side and he got out of it. As soon as he got out of the car, he asked me:
"- Well, what did you feel during the spiral meditation?"
"- A friend told me that I had a state of ecstasy."
To which the spiritual guide replied:
" - Never mind about what your friend told you! What do You think you have experienced?"
I said: "- I believe I had a state of ecstasy."
To which the spiritual guide, breathing out relieved, said: " - Finally You believe!!”
Then I realized that for months I constantly experienced various states of divine ecstasy (Samadhi), but I did not dare to call them that. The states I was perceiving encouraged me to practice yoga more, so I ended up practicing 4 hours of asanas per day and at least 2 hours of Laya Yoga (advanced meditation with mantras) and meditation with various yantras. At that moment I was a college student, so during holidays, when I was going home to my parents, there were days when I was practicing yoga for 12-16 hours, out of sheer pleasure, because I felt extraordinary. My parents were not too excited about me spending all the time in my room, and not spending so much time with them, but because they love me, they accepted my enthusiasm.
Practicing the Tantra system
My boyfriend at that time told me how sensual and erotic his other lovers are. I did not feel well at all when he was telling me that, because indirectly I felt criticized and judged. So I decided to practice in order to awaken my sensuality and eroticism, so that no one could ever reproach me that ever again. And I've been working on it: I've been working spiritually for 4-6 hours daily meditating with ParaShakti's yantra, and practicing all the tantric techniques that I teach in the Shakti groups (tantra for women classes).
I just finished my university studies and did not get a job yet. I figured out if I would have a job I'd be at work 8 hours a day. So I better practice yoga 8 hours a day. I started by practicing 8 hours (continuously, without interruption) of asanas per day. After several months I shifted to 8 hours (continually) of pranayama (breathing techniques) per day. After almost a year, I shifted to doing the meditation technique Laya Yoga with the mantra of the Great Cosmic Power Chinnamasta (The Great Cosmic Power of Courage and Instant Enlightenment) 8 hours per day, aware of the effects of what I was practicing, exactly as I described above.
For almost a year I slept with my head down. I leaned my bed to 35 degrees. The intense sublimation phenomena began quite quickly. I slept for 4 hours/night, being aware that I was sleeping/dreaming (lucid dreaming) and when I woke up, the mind was being perfectly lucid, feeling a strong state of clarity of consciousness.
Parapsychology and ecstasy
In October 1996 I attended the parapsychology retreat at Voineasa. In the daily program, besides the lectures, there were also two 30 minutes meditations - one day we were meditating with Shiva, one day with Ganesha. In one of the days, during the meditation with Ganesha, the fundamental energy Kundalini awoke extraordinarily strong and I entered into a profound, overwhelming state of ecstasy, amazement, wonder and overwhelming gratitude toward God. Tears were running down my face. Although the meditation ended, my state continued to be equally intense for another 3-4 hours, as long as the evening program continued. I barely got to my hotel room, with the help of my friend. That was the starting point for Kundalini's uninterrupted awakening. I began to experience ecstasy also during night time, while I was asleep. I told my spiritual guide that while I was sleeping at night, I did not recollect having any dreams and he replied that I was in the state of turya, that is, the state of ecstasy during dreamless sleep.
Before I fell asleep, when I closed my eyes, on the “screen” of my mind I could see exactly the same images as in the movie “Illumination” (colors like the rainbow, crossing and "playing"). Four hours of sleep per night were enough. At each meditation we did together in the retreat, I enter again in a very intense state because of the awakened Kundalini energy (the body was moving strongly, the tears were flowing unintentionally, the body spontaneously made kriya, mudra and bandha, and the meditation while being in the state of ecstasy was lasting quite a few uninterrupted hours, a minimum of 8-9 hours.
The phenomena that accompany these states can be grouped in my case in 8 categories:
kriyas (involuntary movements of the body),
sensations and symptoms experienced at the level of the physical body (I felt like I was on fire and my friend who became the one taking care of me, laying her hand on me, she told me I was burning hot); the senses were hundreds of times amplified, and sometimes I felt that they were magnified even thousand folds,
Asanas and breathing yoga techniques performed spontaneously: laryngeal friction breathing; Padmasana; Uddiyana Bandha and Nauli Kriya made from any position, even lying on my back or belly, Kechari Mudra; often the eyes spontaneously turned toward the top of the head, etc.,
intense emotional mystical inner manifestations,
receiving extrasensorial visual, auditory, olfactory and taste information, as spontaneous "visions",
psy- and paranormal phenomena (I will describe them soon)
states of divine ecstasy (Samadhi)
the radical transformation of my perspective on life and on God.
With this new awakening of Kundalini Shakti energy, I noticed that my sensitivity (in other words, the subtle perceptions) greatly increased. For example, I felt very clearly what was the intention of those who came to me (if it was just an empty curiosity, as if they were looking at a circus show, or if they were really "touched" profoundly and beneficial by the phenomenon they were observing).
I could not bear to be touched by those who were impure, who in one form or another had an inner state of aggression, arrogance, hypocrisy, malice or falsity. If they touched me, because their vibration was different compared to my inner state, I felt "aggressed". I could not stand anyone to touch me on the top of my head. Even to this day I still have this sensitivity, but it is not as strong as it was back then, and now I can control it much better. I continue to “avoid” spending my time or being physically touched by people who are false, hypocritical, arrogant, or coarse.
The senses have gained extraordinary acuity, they are hundreds or even thousands of times more intense. I felt as if before the Kundalini energy awoke I was blind and now I see, I was deaf and now I hear ... the touches (received from those “compatible” to me ...) instantly triggered a state of orgasm, even if it was just an innocent touch on my hand.
Coming back home from the retreat, the phenomena of Kundalini's awakening continued.
My spiritual guide pointed out to me that, because I awakened myself erotically, Ganesha bestowed His grace upon me in the form of the awakening of the feminine, creative, colossal energy, Kundalini Shakti. I entered spontaneously in ecstatic meditations that lasted for at least 8-9 hours, uninterrupted. Everything which was good and beautiful was triggering these long states of meditation: a beautiful word, inspired godly music, a brilliant idea, a very pleasant smell, a delicious taste, an ethereal touch, etc. The states of ecstasy I experienced resembled intense states of orgasm (as the spiritual guide confirmed), in which I simply learned about God by living all those extraordinary states myself. My colleagues in the room at the spiritual settlement where I lived were entering also into similar but less intense states when they were around me. Their aspiration toward God had increased enormously.
A profound transformation of the perspective upon Life
The awakening of the Kundalini energy, apart from the ecstatic meditative states, has transformed profoundly my perspective upon reality. Sometimes when I was meditating, I asked God:
" - Lord, how do you feel the state of love?", " - Lord, how do you feel the state of humbleness?"
And to these questions, I was receiving the answer in the form of profound and complex states that flowed into my inner universe.