Soulful confession (1)
Allow me to share with you a soulful confession, about the spiritual path I have traveled so far, and specifically about the spiritual effects of the awakening of the fundamental, feminine, colossal Kundalini Shakti energy, following a proper, tenacious and perseverant spiritual practice.
I will begin by briefly describing how I began to practice the millenary yoga system and then Tantra Yoga.
I started the yoga course in January 1990. From the very beginning, I was practicing yoga for at least 1 hour a day. In the beginning, I was training yoga postures (asana), and after 26 weeks I received the initiation into the first mantra from Laya Yoga (advanced meditation technique with mantra). So in addition to the one hour of asana practice, I was meditating 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening with the mantra. At each warming yoga technique and every asana I was doing, I was repeating to myself the awareness phase that we learned from the yoga teacher in the yoga class, and besides that, I did my best to dive deeply into the described state. For example, in Bhujangasana (the cobra pose), when I was mentally telling myself "the state of affection without object, of pure love", I entered into this state as deep as I could.
In the 3rd year of Yoga, while doing the Laya Yoga meditation technique with the first mantra, I entered into a very profound state of mental void, in which the mind was perfectly silent, I experienced a state of maximum lucidity, and the subtle sound corresponding the mantra was so intense, as if the siren of an ambulance was beeping right beside my head. This subtle ineffable sound, though extremely intense, did not bother me, but on the contrary, it induced in me an extraordinary state of consciousness. I perceived myself as infinite, completely quiet, immobile, timeless, attribute-less, immortal. I felt that in Muladhara chakra (the center of force at the base of the spine) it "awakens" a colossal energy that begins to rise along the spine. The Kundalini energy was ascending slowly but with a colossal force, immobilizing me completely. When it got to the level of Anahata chakra (the center of force in the middle of the chest), I felt like I disintegrated completely.
In that state that persisted, I began to "reason" and to say to myself:
“- What can happen if I go on? It is possible for the body to die ... Well, I am not afraid, I am not the physical body, so I will continue my spiritual evolution in the astral world.”
And I emitted mentally, silently the mantra again, feeling that a new gigantic wave of energy raises slowly but colossally intense, and when it reached Anahata chakra, I started to feel again like I'm disintegrating...
I repeated the energy lifting – disintegration feeling - monologue cycle several times, until at some point, after more than one hour, I felt to stop meditating.
Soon after, I went to the spiritual retreat, which was held in Mamaia (by the Black Seacoast) in May. There, a young woman described, at one of the conferences given by the spiritual guide, a state absolutely identical to the one I had, in much more details than I have provided here. The spiritual guide explained that it was a total awakening of the Kundalini Shakti energy, and that he had never met anyone who had experienced such a phenomenon before. During that spiritual retreat, I was practicing yoga daily for 8-9 hours, with a state of frantic aspiration which the experience of the awakening of Kundalini awakened in me.
I have stepped up my sadhana (spiritual practice)
I have stepped up my sadhana (spiritual practice), from 2 hours a day to at least 4 hours a day. In the beginning, I was practicing the asanas I liked, and I wanted to increase the time I was practicing each and every one of them gradually, without forcing. When practicing the Uddhyana Bandha technique (abdominal retraction) I started from a few seconds of holding my breath on empty lungs and on full lungs, and gradually increased the interval to almost 4 minutes of retention.
With Nauli Kriya (rotation of the great abdominal muscle – rectus abdominis) I started with 12-16 rotations in one execution and gradually increased up to 110 rotations per execution. So did I do with the Amaroli Mudra 2 technique, which also implies rotating the great abdominal muscle.
Because we have been told during our yoga classes that the stage of awareness is more important than the perfect physical execution of a pose, and that it is important to be mindful of the state we have before we enter into a physical posture (asana), of the state during its execution, and then of the state after the execution of the asana (physical pose)/ technique, I wanted to become very aware about these 3 phases.
The awareness phase at the end of each technique, I have been doing it for long periods of time, until I often entered into a meditation state during and after that asana/technique. Then I practiced daily, for a few months, asanas in cycles, until I did all of them (the first three asanas during the first day, the next 4 asanas during the 2nd day, and so on, until I did all of the asanas I knew at that moment, and then I started from the beginning).
Then I practiced for a few months only the asanas that were difficult for me to do or that I did not like, because we were told during the yoga classes that, when this is the case, it shows some energy blockages, which is reflected also in our way of thinking and perceiving life generally, so I practiced them daily until I was able to do them with ease and I even started to like them, to enjoy performing them.
Then I had decided to practice for several months the asanas, holding them for a long time (at least 30-45 min/asana). I was completely focused on the dynamized energies and the perceived states, as the spiritual guide explained to us that it is necessary to practice asanas as if "you contemplate an icon", in a non-judgmental, detached way. In addition, in order to be able to practice asanas for a long time without interruption, I was very careful about what I call “the bodily geometry”, that is, at the angles between the thorax and the limbs or arms/legs, to which muscles are necessary to contract in order to maintain the posture, and which muscles I need to relax. Thus, I have discovered that almost all of the physical poses can be easily held for a long time, if we respect to the millimeter this “bodily geometry” specific to each asana.
When practicing Shirshasana (the headstand pose), I was not able to cross over the 45-minute threshold, when I reached an unbearable pain in my nape ... So I prayed daily to God to allow me to surpass this threshold. And in the summer spiritual retreat, while I was in Shirshasana, and I felt that this threshold was approaching, I began to pray with all my soul to God as if it were a matter of life and death. When I got back down from the posture, I realized that it had passed 1 hour and 30 minutes. From then on, I was able to practice Shirshasana (the headstand) for one and a half hour uninterruptedly and painlessly.
Then I started, while I was practicing Hatha Yoga (asanas – physical poses, pranayama – breathing control techniques, etc.), to focus on the occult resonance phenomenon that exists between the center of force (chakra) activated in my inner universe through the technique and the corresponding Mahachakra (the macrocosmic centre of force). I have often entered into extraordinary parallel worlds, corresponding to the different Mahachakra. The experience is difficult to put into words – it was like while being on the yoga mat and holding a yoga pose, my consciousness together with my subtle structures had access to parallel worlds of divine beauty and harmony, having different natural laws than on Earth. For example – the subtle world corresponding to Anahata chakra was blue, very ethereal, and the predominant feeling was of unconditional love.
After a while, while practicing a certain asana (physical pose), I began to do Japa Yoga (repeating a mantra mentally, without entering into deep states of meditation) with the mantra corresponding to the chakra activated by that asana. And then, after a few months, while practicing asanas, I began to visualize the subtle colored stream of energy corresponding to the activated chakra at the level of the respective center of force.
Because during the yoga class we were told that when we receive the initiation into a mantra, if we do not meditate with it almost daily, we will lose the resonance with its macrocosmic source and the subtle charge of that mantra, I have decided that I will consecrate each day to Shiva (the cosmic yoga master) and then the next day to a Great Cosmic Power, and so on, in the order of initiation, and at the end of the consecration I also did the meditation technique called Laya Yoga with the corresponding mantra, and when I went through all of the mantras (one per day), I resumed the cycle.
National Yoga Competition and Promotion of yoga values
In the 4th year of Yoga, at the end of the yoga year, I participated in the National Yoga Competition and Promotion of yoga values, where I won the 1st Prize. Apart from the material gifts I received as a prize (objects, books and free of charge yoga classes and retreats) I felt that I also received subtle spiritual gifts which activated certain energies/aptitudes in my being. I started, for example, to hear what people think.
(…an example: I was in the yoga hall at the end of the yoga class, preparing to go home. I went to the area where the shoes were, and I sat down on the bench to put my boots on, leaning closer over to my boots. Standing by me, there was a gentleman. At one point I heard him saying something, and I answered him without raising my head. When I raised my head to look with whom I spoke, I saw that the gentleman stared at me in awe. I supposed he did not hear me well, so I told him once again. Then he asked me:
"But why are you telling me this?"
I replied: "Because you told me this and that ..."
"I did not say it", he replied. “I just thought of it!”).
During meditations, I often enter into various forms of divine ecstasy (samadhi). During one of the meditations which lasted for 3 hours, I perceived how I expanded throughout the entire Universe and I felt that the whole Universe is contained within my being. I could project my consciousness on any planet or star toward which I focused my consciousness, living the reality of that world. After a while, the state got very refined, and without any doubt I felt clearly that “I am the whole Universe”.