Soulful confession (4)
Read the third part here
Here are some of the spiritual states that I have experienced due to the awakening of Kundalini energy, which I wish to share with you:
(1) In one of the meditations, I have translated into the Causal Universe. I felt how two beings came from that realm (a man and a woman) to my right and left side, then my guardian angels appeared behind me and we all went very smoothly into that realm of the Causal Universe. The transition was very smooth, like a floating sensation. Arrived there, I sought to impregnate myself with the energy of the place. At one point I felt that I had entered the TEMPLE of GOD. I also felt it is necessary to express my intention (what I want to do in this Temple). I said:
" - I want to discover God."
At some point thereafter a thought appeared in my mind:
“ - It's enough. Now I'm going back!”
But I said immediately: " - NO! God decides how long I stay here."
That was a small spiritual test which I passed, and that brought me immense joy. Immediately afterward, I felt the overwhelming presence of God. The state of ecstasy that I felt was overwhelming, impossible to put into words. Tears began to run on my cheeks. Sometime after, I was brought smoothly back into my physical body. The state persisted long after I returned to the body, even while I was doing something else. I felt that, although I came back to the physical plane, I continue to be “connected with a subtle thread” to that realm in the causal world, and that one of the divine beings is always in touch, in subtle connection with me.
(2) I did the meditation with "The timeless and profoundly overwhelming state of amorous ecstasy". Waves of refined pleasure began to rise through me together with the Kundalini energy. The state of orgasm becomes more and more intense. I begin to moan of pleasure, my arms and then the whole body numb, in the specific way to the intense orgasm. Twenty minutes after the end of the meditation, the second wave begins, more intensely this time, with Kundalini awakening and more intense and overwhelming ecstatic states of orgasm continue. With great difficulty, making a huge effort not to moan of pleasure out load, I arrive at my hotel room, where the third wave of pleasure begins, in which the orgasm states become even more intense than ever before. My body moves as if I am making love, the sounds of pleasure are uninterrupted, and my whole body numbs several times. Kundalini is ascending like a hot river along the spine. Spontaneously, my body makes Uddiyana Bandha and Nauli Kriya, though I am lying on my back. At one point, the state becomes so overwhelming, that I start crying in a cathartic process of profound purification. I invoke the help of God, of my spiritual master, of Shiva, and of divine beings.
Shiva appears in front of me in a subtle plane and says:
"- I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH, YES !!!"
After about 3 hours, the state diminished. But the next day I woke up with the same state as the background state, and in meditation with the “Divine Attribute of Godly Regeneration”, I entered a very intense state of orgasm and Kundalini ascended through me.
Even though the state of orgasm is not always as intense as describe here, it remains as a general background in which I am in a beneficial state of trance, my mind is completely silent, I feel very expanded, I feel connected to the entire Macrocosm, silent and nude in front God the Father. Many nuanced states manifested during this state of amorous ecstasy: overwhelming tenderness, endless love, intense amazement, wonder, abandonment, devotion, frenzy, elevated passion, desire for fusion with God, gratitude, endless expansion, love of God.
(3) While meditating on the theme "The Mysterious Voice of God's transcendental silence," Kundalini's energy awakened and ascends into an overwhelming state of ecstasy. I feel that I am nude, vertical in front of God, who is actually everywhere. His silence feels like an ecstatic ocean, extraordinarily intense, melting in My Heart (which is actually the ecstatic void). The state becomes so intense at one point that I start crying heavily, but not because I miss Him. I am silently saying:
" - I want only You, Lord! - I'm all Yours, Lord! - I give myself entirely to You, Lord!”
I am very happy, feeling a state of sovereign peacefulness of my soul. I am silent, inside and out. Time now seems to have only one dimension: eternity. I hear a continuous subtle inner sound. What I feel is TO BE, not to do, not to have, but simply TO BE. I feel that I EXIST! I am phenomenally happy. My whole body is shaking, and the orgasm has a very subtle, refined, non-human dimension. I am crying with amazement. I am in a constant state of wonder over what is happening in my inner universe. I feel extraordinarily big, very expanded, living in subtle dimensions where everything is SILENCE, STILLNESS, ECSTASIATING VOID.
(4) I was in the astral world (lucid dreaming). I was in a large gathering of women, waiting in a long queue to receive a certain initiation from Jesus. When I arrived in front of Him, He said many beautiful things about me (which I will not say here J) and at the end, He said:
" - You are perfect!"
Obviously, He was referring to the divine essence in me and not to my ephemeral personality. I felt like melting, dissolving out of love for HIM. In every cell I felt I was disintegrating out of love for HIM. He gave me the initiation in what I can describe in words as "compassion for the fellow human beings". I went away crying heavily, out of compassion for our fellow human beings.
(5) I consecrated to God the Father the fruits of the meditation with the theme "Translating into the Causal Universe." I have invoked the beings of the Causal Universal, the spiritual guide and my guardian angels. The transition was smooth. Shortly after I arrived in that causal realm, a very tall male entity (10-11 m) appeared in front of me and led me into his temple. I was seated in the center of the temple, and around me, at some distance, there were crystals from which intense rays of bright white light converged above my head at a distance of 1-2 m. Upon entering the temple I was asked what my intention is, what I want. I strongly, clearly and powerfully expressed the intentions:
to learn about God;
to always be in occult resonance with God;
to always be in touch with / and conscious of that part of me that is Great and High (the Divine essence).
The light emanating from those crystals is very strong, and at the point of conversion all the rays join together, and they continue to move upward. I felt purified and elevated. After a while, I manifested the intention of returning to the physical world. I was brought back smoothly into my physical body. I thanked God, my spiritual guide, the beings in the causal realm, and my guardian angels. I am filled with happiness full of gratitude.
In time, I learned to control the Kundalini energy
In time, I learned to control the Kundalini energy so that I would no longer face her seemingly “violent” manifestations ... It is awake, alongside Sushumna Nadi (in the middle of the spine), in varying degrees of intensity and only occasionally it manifests outwardly with power and in a visible way for others.
The speed of reaction for me is now much higher. Sometimes I look at some people and I perceive as if they move/think in slow motion.
Due to the awakening of Kundalini energy, it is now easier for me to communicate with the invisible worlds, both from the astral world and the causal world.
I live deeply with the feeling that for me the only time that exists is the subjective time, is the moment of NOW, a moment that is tangent to eternity. That's why I “forget” what happened yesterday or in the past, because for me the past is “dead” and I do not carry it with me. It's not an amnesic or senile “forgetting”, but I just do not load my memory. If I wish, I can recall in detail what has happened over the past few days, but I do not carry those events or actions or phenomena with me. And when I think of “last week” I have the feeling that it was many years ago, and sometimes I have the feeling that it took place in a past life.
At one of the training weekends for the Shakti group coordinators from abroad, after the 3 days of workshop, I had the feeling that I have spent 400 years together with those women. After the workshop, several women came to talk to me, and without telling them about it or they talking to each other, they all said the same thing: the workshop was so intense that they have the feeling we spent together over the weekend ... 400 years!
I feel Kundalini as a continual upward movement of energy, intense and generating very refined pleasure, rising along the spine, like an euphoric drunkenness, as a state of ecstatic happiness. The mind is silent, I am strongly astralized, as in the state of beneficial trance, and I am often euphoric.
Happiness feels like an implosion of pleasure in the HEART, like concentric waves that expand, waves of great finesse, delicacy and refinement. I'm happy beyond words, silent. I love everything that comes into the field of my conscience. It's like a love story, of extraordinary sublime tenderness, between me and HIM (God).
I'm getting longer and longer periods of time in connection to my divine essence (which I feel as an orgasmic implosion in the Heart). When I relax and close my eyes, I spontaneously resorb into the heart and “implode” instantly, feeling a delightful state of pleasure, of ethereal happiness, orgasm, SILENCE. At the moment the "implosion" is triggered, I spontaneous and silently emit the vowel A, and feel like I melt, I dissolve completely into the Heart of God.
The decisive moment
For any seeker who is on an authentic spiritual path, there comes inevitably a decisive moment for his/her spiritual evolution, namely, dis-identification. We belong to the Supreme Truth, but we have forgotten our origin. It is time to return to our own divine essence.
Each of us has become someone or something, depending on our own perspective and understanding. We think we are rich or poor, women or men. We think we are teachers, instructors or monks, doctors, military personnel, psychologists. We think we are young or old, fat or skinny, happy or desperate. We believe we are American or foreign, Christian, Buddhist or Hindu. We think we are limited, weak, and with time we need to get older and die, possibly ill. We believe it with so much power that we have fully identified with our mental image of Reality. But in reality, the Ultimate Supreme Truth that resides in us is one. We all come from the same seed, and this is God. We only play different roles.
At a key point of our individual spiritual evolution, it comes the moment when we live with a rigorous accuracy that we are NOT a yoga teacher, a Buddhist monk/nun, we are not even a woman (or a man). WE ARE NOT EVEN A HUMAN BEING. When we can only get through these roles and look inside our being, it leads us to the discovery of our own divine essence, the Immortal Self - Atman. In these moments we begin to hear, exhilarated, the mysterious voice of God's silence.
The process of dis-identification is perceived as a gradual, sometimes excruciating, disintegrative death, often beyond a common understanding. But it is the death of the ego. Each of us will, at such times, need to make use of the internal tools that one has purified, harmonized and amplified, in direct proportion to the tenacious, adequate and perseverant spiritual practice, to pass extraordinarily well beyond this very important threshold.
All of these are not about me or to what experiences I have, but it is about the results EVERYBODY can get, if we practice the Holistic Yoga and Tantra system with enough enthusiasm, generosity and perseverance.
The light in me sees and loves the light in you!